Have you ever wanted something so badly, and thought you were so close to getting it... only to find out that you had your hopes up for nothing? That's how I've been feeling the past few days.
I'm not going to get into everything, but suffice it to say... we're not having a baby anytime soon.
I know I shouldn't even be upset about this, seeing as how we haven't even been married a year (and my airman was gone for 4 months of it), he's only been back from his TDY less than 3 months, and we just started trying this past month... but still. I really had my hopes up high this time.
On Saturday, my honey went snowboarding with several others in the church. I was at home all day, since the car died (you remember, don't you?), and got quite a bit of cleaning done. I was glad for that, at least. I laughed to myself while he was away, because I remembered a conversation we had before we started courting...
We used to talk on IM all the time, and during one conversation, he had just returned from his first snowboarding trip. He was so sore, and I had to listen to him list everything that hurt.
Then he said, "You know what I thought when I came home?"
"No. What did you think?" I asked.
And he told me: "I was wishing that I had a wife, so that she could give me a nice, long massage -- my neck and back are killing me!"
At the time, I thought nothing of it, because I still wasn't sure of my feelings toward him or anything. Looking back, I probably should have considered it a precursor of things to come, hehehe. ;o)
Since he didn't come home until after 7 or so, he was very tired from driving and boarding all day. This time when he came home, I asked him, "What are you glad that you have now that you've come back from snowboarding?"
So he grinned broadly and said, "A wife! And you can give me a massage!!!"
I was only too happy to oblige him.
While I was massaging his back, he was telling me about his day. Then, out of the blue, he says to me, "Babe, do you know what I realized the other day?"
"No," I answered, "tell me."
So he told me that while he was doing something around the house, he came to a realization -- he thought, "Hey, you know what? I love her more than I did when we first got married."
He continued on, "I had thought that I probably did love you more, but it just hit me all of a sudden, and I knew I loved you more."
*sigh* I love my husband. :o)
See? This is why I want a baby so much -- how could I not want to give this man a child? (or two, or three, or four or... hehehe)
I know, I know. Everything will be done according to the Lord's perfect will and timing. It just gets hard to wait sometimes....
At any rate, I'm having a much better attitude about it today, and I know the Lord will fulfill His will for our lives... whether it includes a baby in the near future or not.