7/17/12

Change of Plans

I like having a plan.  I feel more comfortable when I have an idea of how things are going to unfold.  I'm not a bonafide planner in that I plan out every single detail of my days and weeks, but I do feel things just go better and less stressful for me when I know what to expect around a given time frame.  

Recently, my honey and I were discussing taking a (belated) anniversary trip this year.  But then he came home from work and informed me that a new tasking had come down for deployments... and My Airman's name was on the list.   

Change of plans.  

But it's all right; I can deal with this because he hasn't had to deploy in about 3 years.  We've had a long stretch of time in between these, so it really is our turn, right?  Six months this time instead of four -- that's okay, too.  We'll make this work.  Moving the anniversary trip to next year gives us more time to save and plan anyway.  ;o)  

 And then there was this:

Why yes, that is a positive test I'm holding in my hands.  

{I will admit I was not smiling when I first saw it.  Before the results popped up in the little window, I took a deep breath, offered up a prayer of "Whatever You want, Lord..." closed my eyes, and sighed.  One more quick prayer heavenward before I opened my eyes and waited for the answer.  Pregnant.  I kept waiting for NOT to show up somewhere -- ANYWHERE -- on the test.  More deep breaths.  Lots and lots of them.  And then the tears came as the realization hit: He's leaving, and we're having a baby.  He won't be here and I have to do this without him.}

Change of plans.  

I'll say!  But I'm just taking things one day at a time.  The tears have (mostly) stopped, and I'm excited about our new addition.  We have great family and friends who are like family and a great God Who is in control.  We have a few more months before he flies out, so we'll enjoy this summer {and an unexpected family vacation} together.  And then we'll keep plodding along.  Day by day.  Moment by moment.  Because that's how we keep it together.  Because I signed the dotted line, too. 
 
Sometimes I wonder if the Lord isn't up in Heaven chuckling to Himself about our little "plans."  :P  We think we know what will work the best, and how things should go... but ultimately, I suppose this life is really about learning to live by the faith we claim to hold.  And so, that is what this season of our life is turning out to be about... letting go of our "plans," holding on to the One Who knows best, trusting in His will and way.  Easier said than done, isn't it?  :o)  

4 comments:

JenT said...

You are strong, you will make it, and you will be stronger for it.

photo:britt said...

Hi Arlene! Long time no contact! :) I've missed keeping up with you so I emailed you last week, but I'm not sure if I had the right email address. I just wanted to say though that you really are on my heart and I pray that you feel the confidence to face what the coming months hold for you and the grace to handle every moment. You are strong because you have the strength of God in you. <3 My heart really does go out to you to be facing all that you are facing. But you can do it... Moment by moment. <3 ((((HUGS))))

Also... CONGRATULATIONS!!! :) I really am happy for you. I know the timing is not what you would prefer, however, clearly God has a great plan for this little one. :)

Jessica said...

I will come and help out as much as I can ... even cooking ... as long as you have a fire extinguisher (sp?) handy and the number to the local pizza delivery! *wink*

You are definitely surrounded by loving people which makes me feel better about Nathan being away during your pregnancy. I've already been praying for your family. Wish I were at a 'normal' job where I could take a leave-of-absence to help you, b/c I totally would! ♥ Jessica ♥

samantha said...

This post is too much, I can't handle it and I'm not even living it! It shows so much about you though! First, it shows your strength for being okay with your man being gone for six months while you have two kids to care for. Second, your kindness in saying it's your turn since you've had 3 years (I wish no one ever had to take a turn!). Third, your incrediblec faith in trusting God and His perfect timing in having a baby without your husband by your side. I don't feel like I could do any of these things with as much ( or any) grace and faithful obedience. I would be struggling in a big way. God has made you so strong Arlene, and you are such an example of living by faith. I hate that you have to go through this, especially now, but I know you are in the hands of a loving, merciful, and always present Lord and Savior. Praying like crazy for you all! ~ Sam